I feel so exhausted. I’m trying to deal with my weight, to see the beauty I see on other chubby girls on me, to accept my body the way it is but no… I cannot do it. Even my parents tell me I should lose at least five kilos when the truth is I should lose at least ten. But I’d really like to accept myself the way I am. Fat, ugly and weird. I’m a twenty year old woman who’s never been even kissed! And I need desperately to feel loved! I need to be hugged by a man! To feel accepted by him! To feel I belong somewhere! I so need someone! Everyone tells me that the right guy will come one day and he will like me and love me and blah blah blah… But this is tumblr! And out there is real life and the truth is no-one likes me and I doubt anyone will ever love me. What we see in movies and what we read in books make us believe that “our time will come”. And the truth is I hope for something will never come. I’m sick and tired. All I wanna do is cry my heart out but I can’t even do that. If I was stronger maybe I’d end my life to save myself from this whole bullshit. But I’m not. And that’s one of the things that drive me crazy. Will I ever learn? I do not know. But then again, who cares?
I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.